A former skeptic’s take on daily meditation
If you’re anything like me, an outdoorsy travel bug who loathes staying in one place for more than a month, the past year has been psychologically rough. My household was fortunate in that neither of us got sick or lost our jobs, but staying at home every day became a war of attrition on our minds. I noticed bouts of moodiness set in around September 2020, and the see-sawing grew severer over the course of the winter.
After extended walks and working out at home failed to remedy things, my partner suggested, “how about meditating?”
“Does that work?” I asked, surely with an arched eyebrow.
I had ignorantly filed meditation under my “bogus, mumbo-jumbo” category of practices; but, my partner convinced me otherwise. He went on to explain that he’d overcome a hard time in the past through habitual meditation and suggested I download a guided meditation app called Waking Up.
So, I gave it a shot. Six months later, I’m sure it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Learning Vipaśyanā
The type of meditation I study is called vipaśyanā (Sanskrit) or 觀 (Mandarin: guān), sometimes translated as “insight meditation” in English. Since I’m still a beginner, I’d recommend reading other sources for a history of the practice and its significance in Theravada Buddhism; however, I can describe the experiences I’ve had in my own studies.
I began in January by finding a comfortable place to sit for five-minute sessions and focusing on my breaths. Simple enough; however, during the first few attempts, I remember growing impatient with the app’s directions. I was still under the false impression that meditation was about “clearing the mind” rather than recognizing and experiencing — in the moment — the state of consciousness, so I remained dubious of the practice’s long-term benefits.
But as the instructions varied, I slowly recognized its utility, along with truths about myself.
The first and perhaps most incendiary realization I had was that I have no agency over what appears in consciousness. The thoughts my mind conjures, or the sounds I hear, or the things I see simply manifest, and there’s very little control I have over their appearances. Even if I was in a state of rest, thoughts would inexorably come to me. I remember feeling angry with the app’s assertions — what do you mean I can’t control my thoughts? Of course I can! — but the longer I observed my thoughts come and go during meditation, the clearer it became to me that I have very little agency over what I experience.
That being said, my second discovery was that I have almost complete control over how I experience consciousness. Trust me, I’m not trying to write deepities here — it genuinely shocked me how simple it was to turn the switch on bad moods.
I’m an emotional person. While I’m very introspective, I’ve recognized for a long time that I experience joy, sadness, anger, and fear strongly. Once I’m upset, it takes me a very long time to cool down unless I go for a run or distract myself with activities. So, the realization that I can banish negative emotions in seconds blew my mind.
The app instructed me to actively produce good and bad emotions through revisiting memories. I went along with the lesson and had conjured a right foul emotion when I was suddenly told to focus on that emotion itself. When I did, its clarity wavered, and then it disappeared altogether. This was because when I turned my attention on the feeling, meditation had primed me to recognize it as a mere thought — just like any other concept in consciousness. By isolating it, its origin (the bad memory) was severed from the thought itself, and I was able to let it pass and return to a neutral emotional state. Neat, right?
The Benefits
The magical thing about practicing mediation is that its effects bleed out into your day-to-day life. Over time, I began to drop into states of mindfulness for a few minutes — even seconds — throughout the day, whether after an annoying work email or during lunch. The mood swings then vanished by March. Whenever I was feeling blue or irritated, I (almost passively) recognized the emotions for what they were — thoughts manifesting in consciousness — and let them go. This development has positively impacted not only my own state of being but of those around me.
If you are looking for a better understanding of yourself, then I highly recommend you begin guided meditation. It only requires a few minutes a day to be present, but it can have a profound effect on your life.
